January 19, 2008 at 9:14 am (life)

I am feeling reflective today, the neighbour’s huge dog was barking since before daybreak and it’s not something I enjoy waking up to.  Like most single women I have problems sleeping and being very sensitive to noise, barking dogs are a huge source of irritation.

Empathy, the ability to feel what another is feeling is a simple description. But it’s not a simple thing, for some reason I could never fathom I soak up other people’s moods and feelings like a sponge, they simply have to pass too close for me to feel the misery, and it seems especially misery transmits very well.

And I drown in the sadness of the world, it was very difficult for me to work, as I end up with my feelings and identity morphing into the people I am working the closest with. It became harder and harder to shut myself off and I’ll find myself behaving like them and doing things that I actually detest and I have no control over it.

I am not unkind and I want to help but I cannot be around anyone for any length of time without becoming them. Now I am alone and I think it is one of the reasons.

I do not like anyone in my private space.

For a while I worked for someone who I am convinced was bipolar the mood swings were impossible, from extreme elation to the deepest depression, several times a day, I was exhausted emotionally and it became impossible for me to do my work. As I could not shift moods as quickly the manic phases passed me over.

Strangely enough being around emotionally stunted people was soothing as they do not give off any feelings and I found myself liking them, today I know it was for the wrong reason, and I forgot what these people do, how they mess up other’s lives to see them feeling pain and sorrow and now I am alone.

Not as if anyone cares, huh, just something I needed to say.


1 Comment

  1. liz said,

    i know how you feel, honestly. although i’m just a teen i understand what you’re talking about completely. i feel the same way all the time its like my friends’ emotions rub off on me and i feel i can’t handle everything. just thought id tell you someone does care. xx

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