Now what?

May 10, 2008 at 7:58 am (General Ramblings, life)

Can someone tell what happens to a man?  I lived with a man for twenty years for 18 of those years, he was difficult to live with, but he was basically kind and honest, he was faithful, he had moral values and decency.

Then suddenly he changed, he became mean and abusive, he started screwing around. I forgave him and gave him a second chance and then he plotted with my best friend to throw me out of my home, they started a campaign to drive me over the edge, she of course hoping I would commit suicide, I tried.

He made her a partner in the business I had sacrificed so very much for, she gave him 100 000 rand to let her move into my home.

 I put it down to the male midlife crises and when he had an epiphany and realised what he had done, I was a sucker for some more punishment and naively forgave him and he asked me to wait while he “sorted out his problem” five years of tears and heartache later, working at the crappiest possible jobs, living in tiny one bedroom apartments, I waited.  I gave up working and lived on the hand outs he gave me in return for sex.

And he lied and lied and lied, I suspected he was lieing so after trying to get the truth out of him I asked for proof which of course he could not provide, so I got the proof myself. And I got to spit in her face which was something I have wanted to do for a long time.

Now i just wonder how can someone who until he was forty was a decent human being turn into a lieing, backstabbing, cheat in five years?

I cannot work, my emotional health is too fragile and unstable, I am dependant on him and I have no where to go. I had lovely horses, they took them from me also and they took all my cats. Now I have two wonderful cats whose lives will also be disrupted, and I care about my animals after what people have done to me, I much prefer them anyway.

I have no one, no family, no friends, I spend my days completely alone, I started this blog just so that I can feel like I am not insane.

I loved and trusted someone for 25 years and he was not who I thought he was.




  1. Joanne said,

    I am so sorry what has happened to you. I know that all men are not like this, as I was married to a wonderful man for 37 years, before he died and left me. I am since remarried to a “not so kind man” but I’m not alone, and he does show his love sometimes. Keep you chin up and don’t give up on life, or on men. There are some very good ones out there. God bless you and I pray for someone “Special” for you. Hugs, Joanne

  2. Rose said,

    I have been visiting your site on and off for a while. And I just want to say I am very sorry that this has happened to you. I honestly can’t answer why these things happen except to say that the temptation of sin can be so great and the results can be devastating. And it’s not usually the one who has done wrong, but those that love them who end up devastated. But we all have been there at some point in our lives including myself more than once or twice. I struggle now from day to day to keep on going and I know it’s not an easy thing to do most days. But trust me if I can do it, you can. Not saying you are or aren’t hurting more than I am but pain hurts no matter who you are or what it is that caused it. But you will get past this and find someone new. Right now it hurts tremendously I am sure but it will subside a little at a time. And you can learn to trust again.
    You are a tremendously talented and a person full of wisdom and that is something we can all used more of. So please keep sharing with others your talent and keep sharing your wisdom. I have learned so much more than you will ever know just by reading your site so please keep giving and let your talent and the thing that you obviously love (this site) help get you through this. Talk to us when you need to let something out. I care and I am sure many others do. Please except a hug from me and know that there are people who care whom you have never met. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. And I will be watching for your next post.

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