Good Bye

May 14, 2008 at 7:19 am (Uncategorized)

I want to say thank you for the beautiful and kind words you left me.  It is more than I got from anyone I know. I have one friend in life but she lives on another continent in another time zone and country, she is dear and special and has been tremendously important.  It does not however offer the physical presence of human contact I so absolutely need.

I want to thank her here for everything she has done for me and meant to me and tell her that I love her dearly.

My life fell apart a long time ago, I tried to glue the pieces together I tried to carry on, each day took every ounce of strength I had just to survive, it took five years to get the courage together to confront the truth and it shattered me completely, there is no coming back from this.

Maybe there is someone else and maybe there is not but he certainly is not around here.

I started this blog to try and find some place in this world where I could just say I am not invisible, I exist and it has been a tremondous experience. For a few months I had a reason to get up in the mornings, I had a reason to smile again, I had, almost most importantly, a reason to be creative again.  When creative juices flow the soul can heal.

But this is one hurt too many and I know how pathetic and useless I am, I love this man with all my soul but I hate so much what he has done, he was the only reason I had to live.

I do not think I will continue with this blog but I have decided not to delete it, as long as you keep downloading the links will remain active but you do not need to leave any comments as there will be no one here to read them.  Maybe the rest of my story will help others. I know some of it is in Afrikaans and many of you cannot read those parts but I live in Namibia and the news and events I responded to at the time where in the lives of Afrikaaners, my people.

I thought of naming these two people and shaming them but they have to live with what they have done.

Thank you so much to all 30 000 + of you who came to visit me here, please if you have someone that loves you love them and appreciate them.

Khamisi

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